Just cropdusted the office
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
