i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
