Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
