plz talk dirty to me
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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