The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
