Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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