Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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