She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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