Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
