remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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