I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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