I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i dont even know how to be here
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
