So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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