Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
