The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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