My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
