im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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