Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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