i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
