Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
