I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
