Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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