I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
