got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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