You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
