Do you still have your period?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
