oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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