the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
