I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
operation have a gay friend backfired
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
