that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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