to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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