Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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