Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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