The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
