White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
