I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
