roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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