first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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