this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
