You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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