I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
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