i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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