I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
