Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
