Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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