Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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