1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
