And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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