why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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