The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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