I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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