ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
