Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
